Dreams

Perfect plans, high goals, big dreams. At the start of each new adventure I face it with optimism. I have lots of hope that this will be a positive experience. Today I started school. I printed off syllabuses, looked at deadlines, turned in assignments. I have been working on school off and on for 12 hours. I know that this will get old fast, but for now I will get ahead. I will work. Right now it's kinda fun. It also keeps me busy. My mind needs to be busy. I miss my kids. I miss the laughter, the chaos, the noise. I check Facebook several times a day for news of them. I write on a wall, knowing it's going to be deleted, rejected once again. It is never far from my mind that my child won't let me in. She has no clue how much I love her. She has no clue how much I desire to have a relationship with her, but it needs to be on her terms. I want to help. I won't give up. I will keep reaching. I hope one day she will accept my love. I am so thankful that not all the kids reject my love. I am thankful for the smiles and even the tears. They are the only thing that kept me going. Someday I hope they know the depths of my love. All of them.